Dear Diary
by xoVampiresxo
Summary: Here are diary entries that happen between Bella and Edward. They are both heartbroken in New Moon, and for the first time, their lives are recorded here! Please R&R, give it a try? It's pretty okay I guess :D
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Diary,_

It's been seven days, three hours, two minutes and in counting, 30 seconds since he left. I'd never expected it, or rather, I had, but forced myself to not believe it. It's getting ridiculous, Charlie wanting me to live with Renee, and Renee coming to Forks in a few days. The extra time, the surplus hours of the night that I no longer flustered about the past. The long gone, false past.

My chest hasn't stopped heavily panting since the first tear slid down my cheeks, the same cheeks that'd been kissed, touched, and cherished by him. I would be lying to myself if I wasn't heartbroken. No, that wouldn't even be a powerful word...possibly getting my heart ripped out of my chest, shred into pieces and devoured by the dark beast that is known heartbreak. All of which, the full circle swings back to the early warnings he'd given me. The times he'd told me, not to be around him, and all in all, I had been the idiotic one to think that he did love me.

It just didn't seem possible for him to leave me with such cruelty. Maybe it was for the best - he is afterall, the perfection...and let cliche be a way of life, like an angel. The many lies he told, the many confessions - they all felt so real. They weren't something I'd imagined, were they? It wasn't to the point, in my life, where I would no longer remember them, would I? The only sanity I am able to hold onto remains with the place I live in.

Forks. The town that'd started all of this, and yet seemed to be the end of everything. It's the only place that I am for certain he'd been here - that he once wanted me - or so he said. Oh look, another tear dropped onto the paper. My legs are cold as I stay huddled up on my bed, scrawling out this messy entry of my miserable life. It would seem to be a lie, if I told my father I was fine, yet this life expected so much out of me. It's been too long since I've inhaled his scent, indescribable and now, almost forgotten. My bedsheets are wet now, pillow included, with tears.

I feel weak, lips paler than normal and the areas around my eyes darker. The restlessness I've suffered, the endless nights I suffer of seeing my sparkling angel leave me, is something I am unable to repress, or remember in a way that would not cause the painful strike of a javelin into my heart. My chest hurts again as I sniffle back the tears, but useless. I was in too deep and now my body is unable to sustain its purpose of keeping me in well conditions.

I look pitiful. I hear Charlie and Renee talking on the phone. They're worried about me, thinking of taking me away. It's been the same debate - take her away from this town and everything will heal. I wish it would be true, yet also would regret it. I don't want to forget him, yet the acids burning away my heart seems to feel otherwise. I am no longer in control of my emotions. They're all the same...everything is the same...I'm plain, why would he have loved me anyways?

I hadn't attended school yet, but tomorrow I have to. It's been a week and they say I will fail if I don't catch up. But it's a good thing I'll be in class again - for better or for worse - it'll get my mind off the matter. The whole purpose, I assumed, that Charlie wanted to delay my return of school, was to convince me to leave Forks, and start fresh. How does one, like me, start new, to leave a place I'd vowed to stay in, just for that bittersweet surreal feeling that, he was once here.

That, was the true reason I could no longer leave. I miss them all - every one of them till my heart ached and my knees bucked from the swollen pains my heart was having. It felt like a black hole, one where all my body's last few strands of life will be cut and take the last few nutrients of it away, finally growing larger and larger, then somehow being sucked away into nothingness, into void.

_Bella._


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

The sun shone brightly in the sun, a golden blaze of intensity as I watched it from my window. It reminded me of him, the way his topaz eyes seemingly cared for me, to hold me mesmerized by him. I swear, one of these days my window will be painted black. I can't handle looking out of the room. Yet, knowing the sun is around comforts me...making sure I would never see the nightmare of the malicious species they call vampires. Liars, evil, cheats, all the most vile of words I could say just can't pinpoint how much I hate this feeling, and yet through it all, I love them.

I love them with all my heart and finding myself hurt, just doesn't help at all. The expanse of my hollowed chest was being burned feverishly by the misery of lost hope. I had all those dreams and aspirations to join the family, and having it taken away doesn't seem fair. I knew there was no reason for them to ever want me around...Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie...the last name felt like a taboo for me. I knew if I wrote it down, even the first letter with my mind thinking about it would open up the floodgates. I didn't dare venture there. Really, how many times can my chest take the pain before it reaches a breaking point?

Does loving someone so whole-heartedly become a flaw for myself, that would scar myself for life? How about the future? What would the dark, looming shadow of Fate spin for my pitch black thread? Would it remain that ungrateful colour or would my outlook brighten? To allow for a second chance...at l-

I couldn't even think about it. It would be giving myself too much hope. I knew my already dead heart would not open itself for another, just him...only him. Yet they keep saying 'Time will heal everything', him, Charlie, Renee. They all wanted me to get better, but will I? When will the severed pieces of myself be finally glued together? It would never be like nothing happened - I knew that much.

Little strands of reluctance will cling into my heart, keeping me stationed to the feelings of grief and a reminder of his departure. Taking a breath seems unnatural. The air was bitter, without the sweet scent, intoxicating scent of his being.

My eyes hurt, the tears stopped this morning, but I know tonight they will repeat themselves. I better hope the dreams I experience will have nothing about him, the strangling hands of my own memory haunts me.

Good night,

_Bella_

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**Okay how do you guys like these entries so far? I'm thinking of doing some Edward's soon...what do you guys think? :)**

**Please review and read my other stories! That would make my day!**


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